The Silent Speaker

This post was written long back, sometime in November 2009, and first published on my Facebook profile as a note. Some of my friends would remember reading it. I don't entirely recall, why i'd titled the post as "The Silent Speaker" then, but i do remember, thinking it to be appropriate. It also seemed like the appropriate title to my blog, when i registered it around a year back, but never got around to posting anything.


I did however, keep on writing; bits and pieces. What i share from today onwards, is a result of those intermittent flashes of inspiration. Hopefully, they will be justified to the name and will express, the unsaid - allowing for once, the silent speaker to be heard.

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It is a feeling that is indescribable...There is great sadness and great happiness as well...The feeling of leaving college and going out into the wide world. All these long years of schooling and college are finally coming to an end. Relief juxtaposed with anxiety. Relief that there shall be no more test or tasks or classes, and anxiety about the future, that is uncertain and dark. I am in my 20s and I know where and what I want to be in life. But I have absolutely no idea about what path I'm supposed to take to get there. Such is the complexity of life.

This contrast originates from the fact that even though I'm aware that I'm at the thresh hold of completing a major phase in life. I am yet to face the "real" world. Its as if I've been living in "j World" and due to a sudden mathematical transformation I'm about to start life as a new entity in "World". Now wouldn't that be amazing.

The funny thing is that the closer I'm getting to the end of the end of my education, the more I'm trying to stay close to its beginning. I'm reminded of my childhood nursery rhymes. The fun and games. I find myself drawn to FaceBook and YouTube; playing the games which are fit for children and looking at videos that remind me of how I was in my younger days.

As I'm examining this strange feeling, I'm tempted to find its origins. And a sudden realization hits me as I type; even though I am young in my years, I feel old, yearning for my childhood and the carefree days that were part of the package that went with it, sort of like the service provider that you get in the bundle when you buy a new iPhone.

Its probably what was referred to as an early life crisis a couple of years back. Only its earlier with no life whatsoever to speak of.

Still... - to quote from an upcoming movie... - "aal izz well" :)